my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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