I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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