omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
