well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
