That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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