Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
