I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
