Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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