I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
