your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
