I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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