dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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