and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
