She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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