I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
