Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
