I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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