normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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