bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
