I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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