Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I cannot find my penis.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
