1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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