she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
