just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
