dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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