i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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