is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
