So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
