i need an iv and a liver transplant
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She bit a glass in half.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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