At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm just crazy horny about you
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
