Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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