toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
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Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
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no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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