We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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