i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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