How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I need a beard to bite.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize