What a fucking waste of an outfit
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
