babies were throwing up all over the place
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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