I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize