I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
