You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
