I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
