I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
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