I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
