hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
