How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
