I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
