she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
