Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Houston, we have a blender
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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