You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
