New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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