Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
