I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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