I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
