Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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