Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
