Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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