so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
