but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
