i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
