my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
