I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
