I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize