He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
where are my eyebrows?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
